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HOW TO MAKE THE FIRST DATE
GREAT!
First dates can feel as magical as a fairy tale, as torturous as a root canal - or
anywhere in between - depending on the person you meet, where you meet, your outfit, your mood, and about a million
other factors too numerous to mention. Advice on making a great first impression abounds, but what are the very
best moves to deploy? To deliver that info to you, we've grilled the nation's leading dating coaches for their top
tips on making a first date great. Try a few, and wait for sparks to fly...
Memorize your lines
"Do you ever dream about taking a test you're totally unprepared for? Scary, huh?
That's how terrifying first dates can feel if you're equally unprepared. Most of us think of dating as something
that should be natural and easy, but we don't factor in that some of the most seemingly 'natural and easy' acts are
the ones that are rigorously prepared. Even spontaneous ad-libbing comedians and actors have spent years polishing
their bits.
"So take a cue from Tinseltown: Practice your best lines and anecdotes on friends,
family, or even in front of a mirror so that you can pull them out when you hit an awkward silence or just want to
make an impression. Just knowing you have these lines at the ready will give you more confidence and assurance the
whole evening."
- Kathryn Lord, author of Find a
Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women
Consider options other than dinner
"My best advice for a first date is to avoid the talk and chew. Stop wasting time
over dinner conducting an interview. That's boring-been there, done that. I prefer to have some fun on a first date
and do something that's interactive and childlike. Some first dates that I love include playing Frisbee in the
park, followed by a walk around for some people-watching. You're not just auditioning each other, you're having
fun.
"Other great dates include test-driving cars or going to open houses. This creates
instant bonding and gives you something to talk about when you have the follow-up call. Works a lot better than,
'Wow… I loved the way you chewed your steak!'"
- David Wygant, author of Always Talk
to Strangers
Don't ignore the awkward moments
"The best first-date move that a guy ever used on me was when, at the second we were
about to kiss for the first time, he said, 'On an awkwardness scale, how would you rate this moment?' It totally
broke the ice and warmed us up to each other. I call this a 'conscious conversation,' where you openly acknowledge
any uncomfortable moments that crop up. First dates are always anxiety-provoking on both sides, but when you can
talk about that elephant in the room, it breaks the tension."
- Nancy Slotnick, author of Turn Your
Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less
Keep it short
"Make your first date no longer than 45 minutes, max. That'll keep the investment
relatively low for both of you, which is really important if one person isn't feeling it. And, if you're both
attracted to each other, it'll stoke anticipation for your next date, which is the one where
you'll really get to
know each other. Stick to this rule no matter how much chemistry you feel with the person-I've broken this rule in
many of my 300-plus dates in the last five years ('She's amazing... why not just suggest that we grab dinner?'),
and I have always regretted it."
- Ron Geraci, New York-based dating coach and author
of The Bachelor Chronicles
Ditch the three-day rule
"If you had a fantastic first date, call on the way home to say, 'Thanks for the great time'
rather than waiting a few days. Tell your date that you know that you're breaking all the first-date rules, but
you wanted to call anyway. This simple move shows you're not into playing head games, which will wow a first
date."
- Liz H. Kelly, author of Smart Man
Hunting
Reach out and touch someone
"On a first date, a little physical contact is a very good thing. So try
ice-skating. You'll have to hold hands because one of you probably doesn't know how to skate. But even if you
do, that ice gets mighty slippery! In the mood for warmer pursuits? Why not go to the park and swing? When you
push each other and touch each other's backs, it sparks chemistry.
"Or go to a county fair, where you can snuggle on the Ferris wheel or clutch each
other on the roller coaster. This human contact creates instant, effortless connection that never feels
forced."
- Patti Feinstein, founder of America's Dating Coach
Take the focus off me, myself, and I
"The best first date move for a guy is: Make sure she's comfortable. That's it.
That's all that matters. If she's comfortable with you, she's going to let down her guard and trust you, which
means you're both going to have fun.
"So how do you make her comfortable? Chivalry helps. Opening doors, asking
questions, and paying the check are all ways of ensuring that she feels special. Taking care of those details
shows you're interested in her as a person (as opposed to a hunter after his prey) and this puts you way ahead
of most men that she dates. Same advice for women: Think of him first.
"After all, it's easy to focus on what you get out of the date; try considering what
your date gets out
of the date. Make him feel interesting. So smile, laugh, touch him on the arm-any positive reinforcement will
do. Guys just want to know that they're on the right track. If you ensure your date is having a good time on
date one, you'll generally be asked out for date two."
- Evan Marc Katz, author of Why
You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad
Julie Taylor is a writer in Los Angeles who's written
for Redbook and
other publications.
LOOKING FOR A DATE WITH AN ATTRACTIVE OVER 40 SINGLE?
GREAT FIRST DATE, NOW WHAT?
It happened: Despite your original skepticism about online dating, you had a
knock-your-socks-off first date with someone you met on the 'net. Love was definitely in the air—the conversation
flowed, you had a ton of things in common and maybe even shared an amazing good-bye kiss. The only challenge
remains coming up with a plan for a second date that will maintain the vibe of that initial blissful meeting. Need
hints on how to orchestrate the perfect follow-up? Use these tips from Kristina Grish, the author
of The Joy of Text: Mating, Dating, and
Techno-Relating, as your guide to staging a successful second
date.
Step 1: Make sure you're both on the same page about the success of the first
date
Before proceeding with planning a second date, make sure you're confident that your
partner feels as strongly as you do about the first date's success. "A great date is essentially when two partners
realize they're like-minded beyond the shared interests they express on their online profile," Grish explains. A
truly great date must include a few key elements, she says: "There must be an equal exchange of laughter, banter,
smart conversation and sincere compliments, and each partner must feel comfortable enough to disclose at least one
vulnerable moment—and then be secure enough to recover without an ounce of regret for opening up so soon in the
game." Sound like your date? If so, Grish says that odds are your date is as excited about the prospect of seeing
you again as you are, and you've got the green light to go ahead and plan a second date.
Step 2: Follow up via email
If the seeds of your romance were first planted by communicating online, why mess
with a good thing? "Following up via email to properly thank your date for such a nice evening is always a good
move," Grish advises. If you're certain that you both share the opinion that your first date was a success, she
says there's no need to play games when it comes to deciding when to hit the send button: "Avoid playing games
like waiting three days to connect. If things went well, send it the very next day!" When choosing exactly how
to phrase your email, keep it simple and direct, yet interject it with a bit of humor, she advises. "Begin the
letter with a simple hello, move into a thank you and then close with an inside joke or reference to your date
and the suggestion of a second. Keep it brief but sincere." If you're feeling especially bold, don't be afraid
to pick up the phone. "Nothing compares to hearing another's voice to rev the imagination and spark
anticipation for a second meeting," Grish says.
Step 3: Remove your technologically-assisted communication training
wheels
No matter whether you choose an email or the phone to respond to your new flame,
Grish recommends keeping in mind that neither match up to face-to-face contact when it comes to forging
intimacy at the proper pace. "Remember that three emails do not equal three dates," she notes. "It's very easy
to feel close to someone behind a computer screen and reveal too much about yourself or move into cruise
control before you're even in first gear. Using technology is a means by which you connect, not a means by
which you define your relationship." Bottom line: Use technology to reconnect, but get offline as soon as you
can so that you can have another wonderful in-person encounter. Remember that it's just like the old Marvin
Gaye song: "Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby."
Step 4: Plan an outside-the-box second date
While it's easy to go the dinner-and-a-movie route for date number two, Grish
suggests coming up with a plan that involves something a bit more original. "I always like afternoon dates as a
second date versus an evening date, which is usually the first date," she explains. "An afternoon date allows
you to enjoy yourself without the scrim of too many martinis and a dimly lit room." Hit a museum, favorite
shopping area or historic district, or tap into one of the many interests listed in your profiles to come up
with ideas. If he has a fondness for boats, charter a fishing cruise for the day. Do you love flowers? Why not
go for a picnic in the park or visit your local botanical gardens together?
Regardless of which activity you choose, Grish advises against planning a date
involving situations that foster instant or rushed intimacy. "Avoid dates that occur in either of your homes
and definitely away from the bedroom," she cautions. "Additionally, avoid introducing each other to family
right away; this could be interpreted as your having your eye on a wedding prize." Whatever you plan, choose
something that will ensure that your courting ritual is a slow and steady climb, she says. You're pacing
yourself for the long haul, after all!
Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of thefamilygroove.com and regularly appears
as a guest on XM Radio's "Broad Minded."
FOR A GREAT FIRST
DATE...
AND MORE, YOU HAVE TO MEET OTHER
SINGLES!
 
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